


AKA You’ll Never Rid of the Stain

by for_t2



Category: Jessica Jones (TV)
Genre: Angst, Elevators, F/F, Heavy Angst, Hopeful Ending, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Post-Canon, Redemption, Reunions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-10
Updated: 2019-10-10
Packaged: 2020-12-07 20:07:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20981621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/for_t2/pseuds/for_t2
Summary: Jess's door is right in front of her, Jess is right behind her, and Trish doesn't know if she can ever say sorry





	AKA You’ll Never Rid of the Stain

It’s just an elevator. 

Just a step. 

The last time Trish walked out of an elevator, it was one of the hardest things she’s ever done. How are you supposed to explain to two anonymous SHIELD agents that you can’t go? That you aren’t ready to go? That you won’t ever be ready to go?

The time before that, it was the easiest thing she’s ever done. She didn’t need to think, didn’t need to do anything, just needed to walk forward, to not trip over her restraints. And when those restraints are the only thing keeping you sane, when you deserve those restraints, when you deserve so much worse, you don’t let yourself trip. 

And the time before that, well… A part of Trish wishes she could forget about, could stop dreaming about it every night. But another part knows that it should haunt her every hour of ever day forever. It’s the one high that finally destroyed her. 

And not just her. When Trish isn’t having nightmares about what she did to Sallinger, she’s having nightmares about what she did to the most important person in her world. The only person who’s always unselfishly loved her. The person who tried to forgive her over and over until there wasn’t any Trish left to forgive. 

Trish always comes back to Jess. 

And here Trish is, stuck in the elevator. Stuck. 

“Come on Trish,” she takes a breath. Takes a step. And another. And another. And before she knows it, she’s almost at the door. 

She tried to tell the SHIELD agents she was a risk. That she wasn’t even sure intensive therapy could fix her. But they just nodded silently. And kicked her out, with nothing but a set of clothes, and the one address that Trish never forgets. The only thing they said was that circumstances changed, and now, Trish was a free woman. 

She doesn’t feel free. 

She doesn’t think she’ll ever feel free. 

She knows-- 

Something dings behind her. The elevator bell. It makes Trish flinch. She shuts her eyes. 

Someone else steps out of the elevator. Walks towards the door. And the rhythm of the footsteps terrifies Trish. The way they slow down as they get near terrifies her even more. And the way they stop still just a few steps away from her terrifies her to the core. 

The silence that follows screams through Trish’s brain. 

And she wants the moment to be over. To go away. 

“Trish.” 

It wasn’t a question, but Trish still doesn’t know how to answer. 

“They let you go.” 

Trish missed that voice so so much. Every day she thought about it. About how she could say sorry, about how she could make that voice sound happy again. But Trish knew she didn’t deserve it, even if she could do it. And she knows she’s too far gone to be able to do it. 

“Are you going to say something?” 

Trish wants to cry. But it’s like she’s forgotten how to. So she lets out the most pathetic laugh she’s ever heard. 

“You think it’s funny?” 

And Trish hates the incredulity, the accusation in the tone. But she still doesn’t know how to speak. 

“Trish,” Jess grabs her. “I thought you were dead!” 

No.

No. No. No. No. 

That’s wrong. Trish was never dead. She wouldn’t be dead. She was where she was supposed to be. Where Jess made sure she’d be safe. She wouldn’t be dead. She wasn’t. Jess would know. Jess would find out. Jess wouldn’t… 

“I looked for you!” There’s a part of Trish that’s loves the fact that Jess is still as angry as she’s always been. “After Thanos, I fucking looked for you, Trish! Everywhere! I even bootlicked those idiots in costumes, just… just in case.” 

“Jess…” Finally Trish makes a sound. 

“And now you’re just here,” Jess continues. “And what? Do you know what it’s been like? How…” And Trish can tell Jess is having trouble with words too. “You fucked up piece of—”

“Jess.” Trish grasps for something to say. Anything. “Jess, I’m the bad guy.”

Jess looks like the only thing she wants to do is disagree, but she can’t. Trish knows that. Jess knows that too. 

“Jess, I’m the bad guy.” 

Jess’s arms catch Trish before she collapses. Hold her tight. Hold her safe. And all Trish is cling on for dear life. 

“I’m the bad guy.” 

And for a while, they just stand there, holding each other as if there’s no tomorrow. As if they’re the only ones left on Earth. 

Finally, Jess speaks. “You don’t have to be.”


End file.
